It begins...

I've been traveling for work and I told myself that this trip was going to be my opportunity for some real improvement. I'm far away from home, and - at least for this weekend - all alone. This is my chance to shine, without worry of ever seeing any of these people again.


The past few days I've been making a point of spending some time in the local coffee shop sitting on the laptop. I dont really have anything specific I'm doing there, just relaxing in a social place. Truth be told, I'm kinda hoping a pretty girl will make a point of saying something about my rather unique laptop; but I don't actually expect that to happen. I do this every afternoon after the lunch rush.

Yesterday was my first real grind day. I started out really easy, just trying to make some social talk with salespeople at a local store. I'm usually pretty independent. I go to stores with a good idea of exactly I want to buy, so I usually stonewall any salesperson interaction and get what I want and get out. Today would be different. I was just going in to browse, but when approached by the salespeople I made a point of engaging them in conversation; first about products, and then getting more social. I've been taking cues from seeing some other people around me asking things like "what kinds of things are there to do around here?" and the like. I did that twice before moving on and taking the advice of one of the salespeople to go to the mall.

In The Single Most Important Thing You Can Do To Get Beyond Approach Anxiety Eric's advice is to just get out there and do it, once every single day.
If you're anything like me, you can't just go out and do an approach - no matter how simple - just yet. So, I start by going out, just getting out there for the sake of getting myself more comfortable in social places. My push is to get myself to "Level 2," talking to people for contextual reasons - if only to ask for directions or the time.

So, I went off to the mall. It turned out to be a large upscale mall with a lot of fashion stores and the like. A really nice place. I walked up and down that thing 3 times trying to convince myself to talk to someone, anyone, only to eventually leave feeling rather defeated.

I refuse to settle for that. I need to get better, to do better, so I force myself out again later on in the evening. There's a bar nearby that I've been recommended to, so I decide I'm going to go. Now, going to the bar for me is already a change - as I can count the number of times I've gone to a bar on one hand - but this one is different. Now I'm going to the bar alone. I am so scared by this prospect. I drive past twice, doing large circles as I mull over my decision in my head. I'm quite literally shaking I'm so scared. But I'm gonna do it. So help me God I'm gonna do it, and I do. I walk in, sit down at the bar, and have myself a beer. I don't leave the bar that night, and despite a few opportunities I don't talk to a single woman. I talk to a couple guys, but they initiate the conversation with me, and that's about it for the night. I'm proud of myself for getting this far, but disappointed that I'm not doing better yet. I go home after two beers and tell myself I'm going to keep pushing.

Today, after my time at the coffee shop, I go out to another mall. I have the same goal in mind for myself. I walk through the mall some and don't really see any opportunities I want to press for, so I don't approach anyone. I do go into a store there and make a point of making small talk with the woman at the register. Very pretty girl, about my age, and yet somehow I feel like I'm 6" tall. I talk like it too, with her needing to ask me to repeat myself so she can hear what I'm saying. She EATS IT UP. Eugh. She had the most beautiful smile, and went into a real descriptive conversation about a local restaurant that she likes, and I'm just....stupified. I know I so easily could have pursued that conversation further, and quite honestly I bet I could've gotten a phone number out of her, but I didn't. Instead, I slinked away, keeping my head high in a show of artificial confidence. The rest of my time goes uneventfully, and when I'm leaving I walk by another perfect opportunity to approach two beautiful women and ask for the time.

I am improving, but I'm not there yet. I've not yet decided if I'm going to try the bar again tonight, but I suspect that I will - if for nothing else than to say that I did it.